almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
So many bounce houses so little time
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
