i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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