Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
