this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
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