I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
