Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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