I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
