He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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