Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
