Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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