You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
