Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
