Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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