Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
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