I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
This show inspires me to have sex in space
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Randomize
