I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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