so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
