I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize