I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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