Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Randomize
