the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
i used baking grease as lip gloss
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
