he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
