If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
