Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Randomize
