how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Randomize
