Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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