I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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