Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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