it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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