my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
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