I showed him my bush... on skype.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
