he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
