Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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