I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Randomize
