I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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