It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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