We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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