I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Actions speak louder than pants.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
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