yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
