I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Randomize
