I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Just invented taco cereal.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize