I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
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