whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
