My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize