Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Do vagina's smell?
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
