cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
