my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
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