This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
