mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Randomize