Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
