if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
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