Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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