If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
