I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
