areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
