Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
