Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
