My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
