My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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