At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
