I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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