The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Randomize
