I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
