My cat gives me a boner
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
