chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
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