I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Randomize