I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Pooping to opera.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
