Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
