All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize