she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
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