Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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