On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
