How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
