Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
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