You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
