Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Randomize
