xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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