im drinking this country out of the recession.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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